Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Comparing First Spouses

There are many things to consider when deciding on a president, but there is one criterion that many people seem to gloss over: The first spouse.

#4: Michelle Obama: A protestant lawyer. Another freakin' lawyer in the White House is just what we need.

#3: Jill Biden: A Catholic English teacher. Better than a lawyer, but still not much fun.

#2: Todd Palin: Alaska's "First Dude" is part Eskimo and has won a 2000-mile snowmobile race four times. He'd be the coolest first spouse ever.

#1: Cindy McCain: A baptist business woman and former beauty queen. She is currently chair of the largest Anheuser-Busch distributor in Arizona and is a former druggie who has spent time in rehab. She's not as cool as First Dude, but if she gets to the White House, I think she'd be fun. A pill-popper/former beauty queen/beer maven. That's pretty good. I bet she knows how to have fun at a party.

I know he's off the table, but I like to dream big, so honorable mention goes to:

Bill Clinton. I know he's another lawyer, but let's face it: Bill would be fun. He'd be sneaking women in and out of the back door of the East Wing of the White House. He'd party without holding back since he wouldn't have to be coherent at every event. He'd crack jokes behind Hillary's back. Bill would be the greatest first spouse of all time.

So there you go. I'm not sure how this will impact my vote in November, but I'll be following the spouses carefully.


Sasha said...

You always put things into perspective for me ... but come on, don't forget McCain's first wife who might come out of the woodwork for a little soap opera action!

reston kid said...

you mean her? wow. yeah, she could come back to haunt him: the one he discarded because she no longer looked like a hot swimsuit model. ouch.