Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Ramble: Seedless Watermelons Are Evil

OK, so maybe the title is a bit of hyperbole, but this is a moral issue. So-called "seedless" watermelons have taken over and I can't stand them.

First, just because a seed is white doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Saying that white seeds are OK but black seeds are not reminds me of the unfair sentencing guidelines for crack versus powdered cocaine. It's morally reprehensible. White seeds and brown seeds are all still seeds and should be dealt with properly. We can't give the white ones a pass while vilifying the brown ones. Calling watermelons with white seeds "seedless" is like calling a Wall Street investment bank "criminal free." Just because they snort coke instead of smoking crack or fleece high-brow investors instead of knocking over liquor stores doesn't make them guilt free.

Second, the idea that a seedless watermelon is even desirable is not something I can accept. I get that seedless oranges and grapes have their place, but they don't have seeds that are nearly as much fun as real watermelon seeds. Spitting watermelon seeds is a summer pastime that is now a thing of the past thanks to these genetic freaks with anemic white seeds that dribble out of your mouth. I want real seeds that I can send flying through the air.

In short: I like my watermelon seeds like Mrs. Kid likes her man: plump and brown. We all need to rise up and protest the de-brownification of our watermelons.

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