Facebook as Surrogate Spouse

Mrs. Kid is in Grand Cayman with her sister for a long weekend. I'm happy that she is able to take this time to recharge, but when you leave me in charge of the kids for four straight days, you have to accept a lower than usual level of competence.

When things started falling apart (which they did instantly), I turned to Facebook. I posted when Girl Kid (AKA Her Royal Highness) puked.

Wife out of country for 4 days. Rain on forecast for weekend. 5 year-old puking. Good times.

I posted when Boy Kid helped HRH drink WAY too much Pedialyte in the morning (which ultimately led to an orange coating over much of our Family Room).

When kids got up this morning, "helpful" [Boy Kid] poured Pedialyte for the Princess until she sucked down 2/3 of a quart (temporarily). Lots of orange laundry to do now and need to head out for more Pedialyte.

I posted when my mind started turning to mush as a result of too much PBS Kids.

I'd have The Man In The Yellow Hat arrested for letting that little chimp terrorist run loose.

Anyway, thanks to my Facebook friends who commented on my status updates and filled the role of listener and sympathizer while Mrs. Kid was gone. Thanks also to those who laughed with (and more often at) me during this weekend. You all helped me keep my sanity.

One more thing. All this weekend, I tended to the kids' needs. I cleaned up puke. I comforted the sick. I made waffles. I nursed HRH back to health. What did I get in return? Did I get a "thanks for keeping us alive all weekend even though you are so clearly the second string and totally out of your depth"? No. All I got was this little gem of a quote from HRH:

Your belly looks like you're pregnant.

So morally wrong.