Horrid Movie; Great Poem

I recently saw Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanimo Bay. I liked the original Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, so I figured what the heck?

The movie was spectacularly bad, but had two good parts to it. Here is a guide to watching the movie if you have it on DVR or some other linear medium that does not allow scene hopping, but does allow fast forward.

Start the movie and immediately hit fast forward. If you have 3 fast speeds, choose speed 3. If you allows yourself to hear the beginning of the movie, you can't say I didn't warn you. It starts out rather vile, then generally oscillates between being nasty and banal.

When you see the men in white sheets, get ready to hit the play button. Once Harold and Kumar start flagging down the little red/orange car, hit play. The scene is a bit ribald, but only thanks to some language. Neil Patrick Harris is great as "himself" in both Harold and Kumar movies. If you are clever with searching YouTube, you can find the two clips that combined make up NPH's time in the movie. One has "Takes Shrooms" in the title and the other has "Brands a Ho."

Once NPH exits the brothel and is done trying to get in the car (you will know when his attempt is done), go back to fast forward.

When you see Harold and Kumar falling from a rather high place, get ready to hit the play button. When the groom walks back up the aisle and past the bride, hit play. Here is the good part and here is the text of the poem: The Square Root of Three.

That's it. You have seen the best parts of the movie. Actually, you could probably same some effort if all you do is watch the clips at YouTube, but suit yourself.

Another Sick Day: Steve Saves the Day

A couple years ago, I posted about playing Tiger Woods on my PS2 while sick. Today I was sick, but actually did a fair amount of work. I was in meetings and reviewed some documents, but during a couple times when I felt particularly miserable, I turned on the TV. I was looking for Jerry Springer, but couldn't find him. On a total lark, I tried the Steve Wilkos Show.

I had never heard of this guy, but figured I'd give it a try. Turns out Steve is the guy who used to run security for Jerry. His show is pure gold! It has the freshness that Jerry had 17 years ago. Here is an IM exchange I had with a friend from work:

RestonKid: today's episode: "Best Friends, Who's the Dad?"

Tex's Mom: LOL

RestonKid: results of DNA tests

Tex's Mom: those are my favorite shows

Tex's Mom: the "baby daddy" shows

RestonKid: "Brandon, you ARE the father."

RestonKid: "when are you gonna grow up?"

RestonKid: "you better stop now! stop bringing kids into the world you aren't going to take care of"

RestonKid: "ok, my young friend with your cocaine troubles and not being able to keep his ____ in his pants can get off my stage."

RestonKid: immediately followed by a plug (with Steve's voiceover) for http://www.dnacenter.com

Tex's Mom: LOL...i need to stay home and watch some daytime TV

Tex's Mom: i am so missing out

RestonKid: this has renewed my faith in mankind

RestonKid: you need to send me updates on the Steve Wilkos Show when you are out with Tex

RestonKid: upcoming episode: Moms Confront Prostitute Daughters

Check out his Ask Steve page on the Steve Wilkos site. This guy is the best. I know this says really shameful things about me, but so be it.

If it were a documentary or a news story, it would make me mad or sad. As a matter of fact, I have friends who have had crazy situations in their romantic lives. Frankly, if they lived in trailer parks, some of them are crazy enough situations to fit in with Maury or Jerry or Steve's shows. For my friends, I truly have nothing but sympathy and compassion. But when people go on a show to air their issues, I just sit back and enjoy. Context is everything.

Note to Frances: Thanks for the Hernia

Marvin caused me pain. I share an office with 11 people, so when a coworker sent this to me, I may have caused myself permanent injury when trying to suppress my laughter.

Facebook as Surrogate Spouse

Mrs. Kid is in Grand Cayman with her sister for a long weekend. I'm happy that she is able to take this time to recharge, but when you leave me in charge of the kids for four straight days, you have to accept a lower than usual level of competence.

When things started falling apart (which they did instantly), I turned to Facebook. I posted when Girl Kid (AKA Her Royal Highness) puked.

Wife out of country for 4 days. Rain on forecast for weekend. 5 year-old puking. Good times.

I posted when Boy Kid helped HRH drink WAY too much Pedialyte in the morning (which ultimately led to an orange coating over much of our Family Room).

When kids got up this morning, "helpful" [Boy Kid] poured Pedialyte for the Princess until she sucked down 2/3 of a quart (temporarily). Lots of orange laundry to do now and need to head out for more Pedialyte.

I posted when my mind started turning to mush as a result of too much PBS Kids.

I'd have The Man In The Yellow Hat arrested for letting that little chimp terrorist run loose.

Anyway, thanks to my Facebook friends who commented on my status updates and filled the role of listener and sympathizer while Mrs. Kid was gone. Thanks also to those who laughed with (and more often at) me during this weekend. You all helped me keep my sanity.

One more thing. All this weekend, I tended to the kids' needs. I cleaned up puke. I comforted the sick. I made waffles. I nursed HRH back to health. What did I get in return? Did I get a "thanks for keeping us alive all weekend even though you are so clearly the second string and totally out of your depth"? No. All I got was this little gem of a quote from HRH:

Your belly looks like you're pregnant.

So morally wrong.

Web Stuff Friday: thesixtyone

thesixtyone is a music site that is designed to help you discover new music. If you want to listen to Pandora's Rush Radio ('cause you love you some Geddy Lee), then this site is not for you. If you want to discover new music that you will love, then thesixtyone is for you.

First of all, the site starts by playing music for you. You can skip any time you want. On the other hand, if you like a song, you can find out more about the artist and if you really like a song, you can "heart" it after listening for 60 seconds.

My new favorite feature is the "Quests." The site gives you tasks to complete such as listening to 7 different new songs or listening to some of the Mood channels (another cool feature). These quests are an interesting way to get people into new music and to learn the features of the site.

The only thing I am not wild about is sometimes not being able to dismiss popups, but once I figure that out, all will be groovy.

Anyway, if you like being exposed to new music, check out this site. It is quite worthwhile.

Fun Wedding

Mrs. Kid and I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a lovely ceremony in which the bride's niece stole the show with her cute ride down the aisle while being coaxed to toss flowers. That is, she had it stolen until the groom's elementary-age kids got up and sang a duet. The ceremony was lovely and the bride and groom looked great and happy.

The fun continued at the reception. First of all, a co-worker happens to be a childhood friend of the bride (who is a high school and college friend of Mrs. Kid), so it was cool seeing her and her uber-cool mom. Seriously. This was one really, really cool mom. I can only imagine what it must be like to have a mother who is that cool.

Most importantly to my happiness in the evening, our table was fun. The rest of Table 4 were cool people who knew The Bride from a mix of travel, high school, college, and grad school, so it was cool talking about different aspects of the bride. Things really got fun when the music got going. Cherry Blossom String Quartet did a lovely job with the standard classical and baroque fare through dinner, but after dinner, it became a game of "name that tune." Their playlist included the Love Boat Theme, as well as songs by the Bee Gees and Journey. It reminded me of earlier posts My Funeral (sorry Mrs. Kid), Acoustic Guitar Versions of Familiar Song, and Love Vigilantes and More Accordion Music.

The music and people made for a fun evening. I don't remember the last time I closed out a wedding reception, but this one was big fun.

Music Monday: New Stuff (to Me)

I recently watched the first hour of the video for Glastonbury 2009 (Palladia on HD is wonderful). I discovered a couple new artists and found a great video of a group I have loved for years.

The Ting Tings

Video: That's not My Name

The energy works for me. Any pair of musicians who got together because of their mutual love of Portishead can't be all bad.

Lily Allen

Video: The Fear

Here is the (less kid-friendly) version from Glastonbury.

The Specials

Video: Too Much Too Young

The original studio version is kinda slow. Every live version I have heard is far better than the studio version. More speed. More energy. Amazing that these guys are still rocking it so hard after all these years.

Web Stuff Friday: Friction

Gimme Friction: The math in this is interesting. I haven't read the instructions, but find it fun anyway.

Taberinos: This is a really fun game.

Release the Kracken: Arch Campbell's New Phrase

Arch Campbell was on Tony Kornheiser's radio show last week and he had a segment that had me laughing out loud.

There is one thing I like about Clash of the Titans. I believe that it will contribute a phrase to the lexicon: "Release the Kracken." I have prepared some examples of Release the Kracken:

• I have a new Calloway driver it's got a head on it about the size of a Russian Army boot. I believe when I stand on the first tee and take the head cover off, I will say Release the Kracken.
• Let's say you're out with the dog and he tarries; he doesn't do what the walk is for. You turn to the dog and say Release the Kracken.
• I believe that couples will date and decide that intimacy is for them and at that moment of intimacy, either the man or the woman will exclaim Release the Kracken.

I am ready to help popularize "Release the Kracken." It's a nice turn of phrase.