The Black Mail Server

When anyone sends email to me at work, it takes a while for it to get to me--even if the sender is sitting 10 feet away. Others in the office get their email quickly (as you would expect), but my stuff takes the scenic route.

I'm not usually big on conspiracy theories, but in this case, it's clear that my email is going through the "black" mail server. I figure all the white folks have their email going through some jacked up thing that looks like it's from Minority Report or some other futuristic movie. As a couple people in my office have noted, they think the black server is sitting at the back of the bus. Only the geekiest among you will appreciate the technical play on words there.

The white email server,

• is powered by 7 GHz quad core CPUs
• has terabyte RAM
• has 300 teraflop computational power
• can beat Deep Blue in chess, checkers, and backgammon all at the same time
  
• has a wall of LCD monitors
  
• connects to the Internet using a fiber T3 line to a dedicated Tier 1 provider.

The black email server,

• was recently upgraded from a 286 to a 386 processor
• has 16 MB RAM
• takes 5 minutes to deal a hand of solitaire
  
• has a 9 inch diagonal amber CRT monitor that weighs as much as a 5th grader
• connects to the Internet using a 14.4k baud modem

Am I bitter than our servers are separate and clearly unequal? A bit, but I am patient. No, I'm not being patient waiting for an upgrade to a 486, I'm just patient enough that I don't need my email right away. An extra five or ten minutes gives me time to get other things done.

Soundtrack: Funkadelic, Cannonball Adderley